My problem, however, is when he flat out refuses me in situations where he doesn't really get a choice. In those situation he screams & keeps crying until he gets his way but we stand as firm as we can & don't let him have his way.
Tonight, for example. They all need Vicks on their chest (as we all have colds except daddy & Gaby's is as far gone as bronchitis) to help them breathe. I decided to be the one to rub it on their chest & E flat out refused me. I kept saying, only one of us does it & my hands are already dirty. "No! I want daddy to do it"(repeated about 20 times). Once Mike finished putting on Jacob's diaper, he came over and held E's hands back & I rubbed Vicks on his chest (while he was still asking for daddy). He didn't scream or cry just kept repeating his mantra (while we repeated ours).
Fast forward 5 minutes & we are tucking them in bed. Mike & I take turns sitting with them until they fall asleep. We've been doing this since they've been able to get out of their cribs. It was my turn to sit. I tucked in Gaby & Jacob & let them send a message to auntie via Heytell. Mike was calmly telling E that it was mommy's turn to sit and that he would be tomorrow. And the new mantra started. "I want daddy to sit". After a few minutes I just ignored him & didn't let him send a message to auntie since he wasn't being nice to mommy. He kept crying & screaming his mantra and we stood our ground. I tried to tell him to quiet down so that his brothers could sleep all the while telling him that daddy would be sitting tomorrow. Nope. Wouldn't have it. More crying & mantra. I couldn't take it. I picked him up, and put him in the spare room & told him if he didn't want me, he could just sleep in a different room all together, threw a blanket on him & left. I took my post back in the chair. A couple of minutes later he walks in (of course still crying but not screaming as loud) that he wants daddy. I said if he kept saying that he could just stay in the other room by himself. He climbed into bed and I just had tears. I asked him why didn't he love me? I'm with him all day & do everything for him when he asks. Why doesn't he want me? I'm not that horrible when it's my turn to sit. I don't do anything. I quiet them down & tell them to go to sleep, but it's nothing that daddy doesn't do. I find his toys, etc & play with him.
Is it wrong of me to want to "show him" what it would be like to have mommy not be friendly? Maybe not play with him. Maybe not find the toy when he asks. Maybe not give him that special chocolate or let him go with me by himself to the store. It may hurt me when I look into his eyes. I love him so much & it kills me when he yells like he does. Will it backfire? Only time will tell...